Verbal love is great for speeches, but falls short in results!

A man was traveling on a dinner flight when he opened his prepackaged meal, right on top of the salad he saw an enormous cock roach.  When he got home, he wrote an indignant letter to the president of that airline.  A few days later, a special delivery letter came from the president.  He was all apologies.  'This was very unusual, but don't worry.  I want to assure you the particular airplane has been fumigated.  In fact, all the seats and upholstery have been stripped out.  We have taken disciplinary action against the stewardess who served you that meal, and she may even be fired.  It is highly probable that this particular aircraft will be taken out of service.  I can assure you that it will never happen again.  And I trust that you will continue to fly with us.' Well, the man was terrifically impressed by such a letter until he noticed something.  Quite by accident, the letter he had written had stuck to the back of the president's letter.  When he looked at his own letter he saw a note at the bottom that said, 'Reply with the regular roach letter.'

Talk is CHEAP! God knows that and by His actions proves He means what He says! 

Judges 16:13-18 Then Delilah said to Samson, “Up to now you have deceived me and told me lies; tell me how you may be bound.” And he said to her, “If you weave the seven locks of my hair with the web and fasten it with a pin, then I will become weak and be like any other man.” So while he slept, Delilah took the seven locks of his hair and wove them into the web. And she fastened it with the pin and said to him, “The Philistines are upon you, Samson!” But he awoke from his sleep and pulled out the pin of the loom and the web. Then she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me? You have deceived me these three times and have not told me where your great strength is.” It came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was annoyed to death. So he told her all that was in his heart and said to her, “A razor has never come on my head, for I have been a Nazirite to God from my mother’s womb. If I am shaved, then my strength will leave me and I will become weak and be like any other man.” When Delilah saw that he had told her all that was in his heart, she sent and called the lords of the Philistines, saying, “Come up once more, for he has told me all that is in his heart.” Then the lords of the Philistines came up to her and brought the money in their hands.

The story of Samson is so rich with lessons, it is sad that most individuals only see the story of the “strong man that gets tricked, blinded and in the end dies.” Even the time we have spent looking at his life does not touch the myriad of lessons we could discover from his life! This section again is full of such lessons; I will focus on three.

As evil as Delilah was, she states a tremendous truth to Samson that we can be challenged by:

“Then she said to him, “How can you say, ‘I love you,’ when your heart is not with me?”

Delilah’s motives were from greed and selfishness, yet the truth of her words confront anyone that is trying to be honest before God.

“Saying” I love you is far different than “Showing” your love! Love is an action word and when that commitment is stated it must be followed by actions that demonstrate that.

When we say God loves us, how do we know that is true? It is not by His words alone we know that. Consider:

Romans 5:8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.

John 3:16  “For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish, but have eternal life.

God never “only” talks love…He shows it. His actions declare it clearly to anyone that is honest. What is even more important is that the Lord Himself challenges us with the principle!

John 14:15 “If you love me, obey my commandments."

When Jesus was restoring Peter after his terrible failure, notice how He describes what love is…it is an action!

John 21:15–17 After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.” “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him. Jesus repeated the question: “Simon son of John, do you love me?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter said, “you know I love you.” “Then take care of my sheep,” Jesus said. A third time he asked him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?” Peter was hurt that Jesus asked the question a third time. He said, “Lord, you know everything. You know that I love you.” Jesus said, “Then feed my sheep.

Far too many times I find that my love is only “Verbally deep” when it should be “Action deep!”

Delilah also gives us an example of how the flesh will work against us and expose where we are not really firm in our stand.

“It came about when she pressed him daily with her words and urged him, that his soul was annoyed to death.”

If we are truly firm in our conviction, the constant “nagging” of sin will not break through, in fact I have found that when you really decide that where you stand, is WHERE you stand, the Spirit of God helps you to deafen yourself to that voice. I have found that true with pornography. When I finally decided I could not tolerate it in my life anymore, over time the Spirit gave me the strength to just ignore it, and now it seems only to have the power to whisper to me. I still need to be on guard, but I do not hear a nagging voice to “come and see” like I used to! Samson clearly had never settled in his heart that his commitment to the Lord was solely between he and the Lord. He was open to sharing that kind of commitment with someone else, and when he did he paid the supreme price.

We must learn to allow the Spirit to firm our conviction so we do not give in to the nagging voice of sin. Consider Lot…just a side note…notice you do not have to be perfect to be acknowledged as an individual that God used and counted faithful. God uses us, warts and all! Lot’s faith was accounted as righteousness, again reaffirming grace, not works. Look how Lot was described:

2 Peter 2:7–8 and if He rescued righteous Lot, oppressed by the sensual conduct of unprincipled men (for by what he saw and heard that righteous man, while living among them, felt his righteous soul tormented day after day by their lawless deeds)

He was tortured, and like Samson it got to him. Instead of standing against those sinful men in Sodom, he tried to compromise and offer his daughters to be raped! What a terrible moment in the life of an individual that is following God. Having said that, we should take it as a warning, if Lot, who is called righteous can fall to such a low level of carnality, any of us could!

Lastly, we learn the lesson of our need to discern who we open our hearts to!

“So he told her all that was in his heart”

I am not saying that we should distrust everybody, but we need to learn to be discerning when we open our hearts to someone. Have you established a track record with them and seen they can be trusted? Do they show the character of Christ? It would be wise to remember our Lord’s discernment:

John 2:24 But Jesus, on His part, was not entrusting Himself to them, for He knew all men

I have found this principle: * Everyone should know I belong to Jesus. * All believers should know where I stand on the Word. * All my disciples should know my struggles and weaknesses. * My wife and kids should know even my fears and dreams. * My wife should know everything about me that would affect our relationship. ** Only the Lord should know my complete heart, for some parts are so dark, that no one else could continue to love me in spite of that reality!  

Meditation: If you asked those closest to you how they know you love them, would they say your words, or your actions? Do you struggle when being tempted to disobey God, because you know it shows a lack of conscious love? How loud is temptation's voice in your ears? What are you doing about that? Have you tried to hide your heart from God? When was the last time you got totally alone with God and had a heart to heart talk?  

Instead of looking for God's best, become God's best, so you won't produce God's worst!

Probing Proverbs 12:4  A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones.

There is a Man sitting on a porch in a rocker with wife. Husband: "You know Sarah I was thinking, next week we will celebrate our 50th anniversary." Sarah: "That's right dear." Husband: "50 years is a long time." Sarah: "Yes it is dear." Husband:"Remember when we met, I had a small fortune? My dream was to invest in my own business." Sarah: "Yes I do dear." Husband: "We got married and right after that the crash hit and I lost everything, and you were there Sarah." Sarah: "Yes I was dear." Husband: "Then we re-amassed that fortune but WWII began and I was wounded and spent two years in that convalescent home and we lost our fortune again...and Sarah you were there." Sarah: "Yes I was dear." Husband: "Then we worked hard and acquired the fortune again and finally bought that business and bought our dream home, and then the tornado came and wiped out everything, and Sarah you were there." Sarah: "Yes I was dear." 

Husband: Well I just want you to know one thing old girl before we celebrate our 50th...Sarah your bad luck!"

Many times how you view things colors what you think. Many would have seen Sarah as very faithful, not "bad luck!"

I find that many people approach a proverb like this colored by their belief that God likes men more than women. So they would read this proverb as though a woman is just the property of the man and if she is a good woman it is to his good, if she is nasty it is a disease to the man. However, if we understand the design that God had intended for men and women, this proverb brings some important Truth. We need to see that we may own the responsibility of the spouse we have produced.  

So we will first review what that relationship is supposed to be. Let me make clear from the start, I will be presenting what the Word of God states, not influenced by political correctness, special interest group's opinions, or what is popular at the moment. Anyone has the right to disagree and make their own standard, that is between them and God. I will not debate that here, the example I will give is from what Scriptures states, which is from the Author of this relationship.

God created man in such a way that he needed another human that would compliment him, that was woman. When they fell into sin, it did not change their roles, but it did impact their roles. Man was created first and was intended to be the "head" of the home...be careful with that word, we will come back to that. Due to sin God knew that man would now lead his wife as a sinner, so he would abuse this at times. Among the statements of judgment that God made in Genesis 3, God stated to the woman:

 "Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you."

A wife has an instinct given to her by God to please her husband. Her desire is for him, and that drive is so strong that we see wives that will tolerate unfaithfulness, abuses through drugs, alcohol or physical violence. Many even work to support a man that is too lazy to be the provider God has asked him to be. I have spent over three decades involved in counseling marriages and the percentage of men that would stick with a lazy, drunk or abusive wife are few. Wives have a drive to please their husbands and that is the key to understanding how this relationship works in a fallen world.

By the time we get to the New Testament the roles are better defined and it is right there that some really bad interpretation takes place.

Ephesians 5:22-23 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

Far too many people, both men and women, do not understand what it means to be the "head" of the household. Sadly they interpret that as the "boss" but that is not what the focus is when you bring all the teachings on the roles in marriage together. The real focus is that the husband is the one that is the most accountable to God for the condition of the family. This brings a completely different "color" to the Proverb we are looking at. If God views the husband as the one that is responsible for the spiritual condition of his family then the focus is how important a woman is to a man in their relationship.

One thing is clear from Scripture, both men and women must take responsibility to be Christlike in their relationship. That is the only way each can know they are being God's best! There are several issues that are very important to consider about this passage. 

Since the Scripture states that a wife is a gift of God to a man, a "worthy" wife is a crown to a husband because she represents the greatest accomplishment a man can have outside his relationship with the Lord. It is possible that a worldly husband could still have a worthy wife, because each woman is accountable for her own private walk before the Lord, however, the statistics overwhelmingly show that the more godly a husband is, the more his wife wants to follow after God, because her husband is loving her with the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ! That is truly an eternal crown for him, that he encouraged his wife to be all that God made her to be.

Sadder, is the husband that has a wife that lives in a disgraceful way. Again, there can be godly men that have a wife that refuses to follow God; the great John Wesley is an example. He loved God with all of his heart, but his wife was the "wicked witch of the west!" When a godly man experiences a wife like that, “cancer” is a good word to describe how it is eats at his soul. Even in this case, the husband should remember he is to show the love of Christ to his wife no matter her behavior. Still, each husband should examine if he has caused his wife to act in such a way that she behaves disgracefully. This is the way a husband, if not careful, can end up reaping what he sowed! I also believe this is a way that the Lord teaches a sloppy husband that it is not worth failing to encourage your wife to be godly by modeling it himself. The wife she becomes is like a cancer and life becomes miserable. 

This is a great principle - What we help to produce will either Crown us or Kill us! 

Meditation: If you are a husband, do you understand your goal is to present your wife to God as the person He made her to be? That can only happen through your example and encouragement! Do you understand that no matter what your wife is like, God expects you to love her as Christ would? If you are a wife, are you seeking to follow your husband's lead toward God? Are you so wrapped up in your life, that you have no room for him to lead? If your husband is not a godly example, are you praying for him, seeking to be an example of Christ to him? Do you realize that he cannot interfere with your private relationship with Christ? As a couple, do you see Christ in the center and both seek to please Him first?