Instead of looking for God's best, become God's best, so you won't produce God's worst!

Probing Proverbs 12:4  A worthy wife is a crown for her husband, but a disgraceful woman is like cancer in his bones.

There is a Man sitting on a porch in a rocker with wife. Husband: "You know Sarah I was thinking, next week we will celebrate our 50th anniversary." Sarah: "That's right dear." Husband: "50 years is a long time." Sarah: "Yes it is dear." Husband:"Remember when we met, I had a small fortune? My dream was to invest in my own business." Sarah: "Yes I do dear." Husband: "We got married and right after that the crash hit and I lost everything, and you were there Sarah." Sarah: "Yes I was dear." Husband: "Then we re-amassed that fortune but WWII began and I was wounded and spent two years in that convalescent home and we lost our fortune again...and Sarah you were there." Sarah: "Yes I was dear." Husband: "Then we worked hard and acquired the fortune again and finally bought that business and bought our dream home, and then the tornado came and wiped out everything, and Sarah you were there." Sarah: "Yes I was dear." 

Husband: Well I just want you to know one thing old girl before we celebrate our 50th...Sarah your bad luck!"

Many times how you view things colors what you think. Many would have seen Sarah as very faithful, not "bad luck!"

I find that many people approach a proverb like this colored by their belief that God likes men more than women. So they would read this proverb as though a woman is just the property of the man and if she is a good woman it is to his good, if she is nasty it is a disease to the man. However, if we understand the design that God had intended for men and women, this proverb brings some important Truth. We need to see that we may own the responsibility of the spouse we have produced.  

So we will first review what that relationship is supposed to be. Let me make clear from the start, I will be presenting what the Word of God states, not influenced by political correctness, special interest group's opinions, or what is popular at the moment. Anyone has the right to disagree and make their own standard, that is between them and God. I will not debate that here, the example I will give is from what Scriptures states, which is from the Author of this relationship.

God created man in such a way that he needed another human that would compliment him, that was woman. When they fell into sin, it did not change their roles, but it did impact their roles. Man was created first and was intended to be the "head" of the home...be careful with that word, we will come back to that. Due to sin God knew that man would now lead his wife as a sinner, so he would abuse this at times. Among the statements of judgment that God made in Genesis 3, God stated to the woman:

 "Yet your desire will be for your husband, And he will rule over you."

A wife has an instinct given to her by God to please her husband. Her desire is for him, and that drive is so strong that we see wives that will tolerate unfaithfulness, abuses through drugs, alcohol or physical violence. Many even work to support a man that is too lazy to be the provider God has asked him to be. I have spent over three decades involved in counseling marriages and the percentage of men that would stick with a lazy, drunk or abusive wife are few. Wives have a drive to please their husbands and that is the key to understanding how this relationship works in a fallen world.

By the time we get to the New Testament the roles are better defined and it is right there that some really bad interpretation takes place.

Ephesians 5:22-23 Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body.

Far too many people, both men and women, do not understand what it means to be the "head" of the household. Sadly they interpret that as the "boss" but that is not what the focus is when you bring all the teachings on the roles in marriage together. The real focus is that the husband is the one that is the most accountable to God for the condition of the family. This brings a completely different "color" to the Proverb we are looking at. If God views the husband as the one that is responsible for the spiritual condition of his family then the focus is how important a woman is to a man in their relationship.

One thing is clear from Scripture, both men and women must take responsibility to be Christlike in their relationship. That is the only way each can know they are being God's best! There are several issues that are very important to consider about this passage. 

Since the Scripture states that a wife is a gift of God to a man, a "worthy" wife is a crown to a husband because she represents the greatest accomplishment a man can have outside his relationship with the Lord. It is possible that a worldly husband could still have a worthy wife, because each woman is accountable for her own private walk before the Lord, however, the statistics overwhelmingly show that the more godly a husband is, the more his wife wants to follow after God, because her husband is loving her with the sacrificial love of Jesus Christ! That is truly an eternal crown for him, that he encouraged his wife to be all that God made her to be.

Sadder, is the husband that has a wife that lives in a disgraceful way. Again, there can be godly men that have a wife that refuses to follow God; the great John Wesley is an example. He loved God with all of his heart, but his wife was the "wicked witch of the west!" When a godly man experiences a wife like that, “cancer” is a good word to describe how it is eats at his soul. Even in this case, the husband should remember he is to show the love of Christ to his wife no matter her behavior. Still, each husband should examine if he has caused his wife to act in such a way that she behaves disgracefully. This is the way a husband, if not careful, can end up reaping what he sowed! I also believe this is a way that the Lord teaches a sloppy husband that it is not worth failing to encourage your wife to be godly by modeling it himself. The wife she becomes is like a cancer and life becomes miserable. 

This is a great principle - What we help to produce will either Crown us or Kill us! 

Meditation: If you are a husband, do you understand your goal is to present your wife to God as the person He made her to be? That can only happen through your example and encouragement! Do you understand that no matter what your wife is like, God expects you to love her as Christ would? If you are a wife, are you seeking to follow your husband's lead toward God? Are you so wrapped up in your life, that you have no room for him to lead? If your husband is not a godly example, are you praying for him, seeking to be an example of Christ to him? Do you realize that he cannot interfere with your private relationship with Christ? As a couple, do you see Christ in the center and both seek to please Him first?