Why do I feel so Lonely and what can I do about it...Deserted Island of Loneliness Part 2

I told the story of how lonely I was my first Christmas on my own. I decided to never feel that again so by new year’s eve I was hitting every party I could. I was making everyone laugh, and at the last party I decided to over drink to solve the problem. This last party was just down the block from where I lived, so I was not driving. I walked home…went into the house…Jake (the dachshund) was there waiting for me. I had succeeded numbing the symptoms, but not the problem! The next morning I was hung over and still lonely! I was on the Island and did not know why, how I got there, or what to do about it!

Just a few years later I entered into a relationship with my Creator. That has not kept me off the Island always…because loneliness is a reality of life, but His Word and wisdom has helped me understand the Island and what to do if I find myself on it. Also VERY important, “Soul loneliness” never has to be experienced again once you're a child of God. Only a lifestyle of sin can put you back on the Island with Soul loneliness.

First, a very quick review:

·      Common Characteristics of loneliness:

§  Withdraws from everyone including God.

§  Throws Pity Party where NO one is invited.

§  Complains about circumstances but does nothing to change them.

§  Blames everyone and everything for their situation.

§  So focused on self they miss all possible lessons.

·      We also made a difference between Soul loneliness vs. Heart loneliness

What causes Loneliness? – How do we Land on the Island?

Either no relationship with God or a bad relationship with God This is the foundation for all intimacy, whether it be with God Himself or other human beings. This is what protects you even when your circumstances put you on the deserted Island. Having to be alone is a part of life, experiencing “seasons” of loneliness happens to everyone, but a life of loneliness…living on the Island does not have be your reality!

2 Timothy 4:16–17  At my first defense no one supported me, but all deserted me; may it not be counted against them. But the Lord stood with me and strengthened me, so that through me the proclamation might be fully accomplished, and that all the Gentiles might hear; and I was rescued out of the lion’s mouth.

Hebrews 13:5…being content with what you have; for He Himself has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you,”

So even if you land on the Island, it never has to involve “Soul” loneliness. No matter how lonely your heart feels, if you are close to God, your soul will sense that companionship. Your emotions will still suffer, but you will retain your Hope! That is why you must resist to live in continual sin, because although it may numb some of the feelings of “Heart” loneliness, it will produce “Soul” loneliness which leads to loss of hope…and then you surrender to exist on the Island, instead of returning to "Life" and the quality it brings to both heart and soul!

So why in the world would anyone choose to stay on the island? The answer is not a complicated one, it is simple, however the solution is difficult due to the power of the flesh.

Fear – Not complicated because it is obvious, but difficult because it requires faith (trusting belief) to let go of. We feel safer on the Island because it appears to be solid, and the water is scary. Even though we might see a boat or another piece of land, we are hesitant to leave the Island and swim towards God’s answer, because “faith” does not FEEL solid, even though it is far more real than fear. The flesh counts on that, and uses it to keep us on the Island.

Remember – with genuine faith, you don’t even have to swim off the Island, Christ can enable you to walk on the water to the boat!

So what is that fear communicating? The Anxiety of “something.” Discovering “what” the “something” is requires communication with the Holy Spirit and His illumination.

* Anxiety of Being hurt - Bringing up past scars, or playing the Prophet – 

meditating on all the possible things that can go wrong in the future!  We have so analyzed the future, until we are paralyzed and cannot move!

* Anxiety of Transparency – “If I let people in what will they see or think?” This deals directly with esteem & accountability issues.

Anxiety of Marriage status – If married you believe nothing can change, you forget the Jesus that raised a man dead 4 days and restored him to his sisters, so nothing…including Jesus can fix your marriage!

Anxiety of Single for LIFE!!! We either start making a list for “God’s best” that even Jesus could not fulfill, so we doom ourselves to never really being open to step out in faith and make a Vow, or we become desperate, claiming to have found “God’s Best” and that is based on the fact that “he is breathing!” From there you will not only remain on the island, but will add the shack of “regret” to live in!

* Understand everyone has seasons of heart loneliness:

* Single – knowing you want to be married (Some desire to remain single and that is from God!)

* Leaving Home

* Empty Nest

* Sickness

* Death

* God’s testing (Wilderness)

Do not underestimate the Wilderness, God desires to use it to mold you into someone you never thought you could be!

*Moses - many years tending sheep in the wilderness areas of Midian then led Israel for forty years!

*Israel – needed to weed the people before giving them the land

*John the Baptist - in the wilderness as he called people to repent to prepare for Jesus

*Christ - was severely tested in the wilderness to confirm His sinlessness and Holiness!

*Paul - God prepared Paul in the wilderness for 3 years so he could turn the world upside down!

What to do if you are on the island?

Reach out to God

Psalm 25:16–17 Turn to me and be gracious to me, For I am lonely and afflicted. The troubles of my heart are enlarged; Bring me out of my distresses.

Psalm 68:5–6  A father of the fatherless and a judge for the widows, Is God in His holy habitation. God makes a home for the lonely; He leads out the prisoners into prosperity, Only the rebellious dwell in a parched land.

Reach out to people

It astounds me in counseling how lonely people move away from everybody!

“Leave me alone I am lonely!”???...What sense does that make?

Hebrews 10:24–25 Let us think of ways to motivate one another to acts of love and good works. And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near.

Look for the wilderness

If you are on the Island, look for God’s wilderness – it will lead to being alone…with HIM!

Deuteronomy 8:2“You shall remember all the way which the Lord your God has led you in the wilderness these forty years, that He might humble you, testing you, to know what was in your heart, whether you would keep His commandments or not

Best ways to stay off the island

Alone Time With God: this is not a thing “to do” – it is a way of life! Start with 5 minutes a day in the Word and prayer, very quickly your soul will desire more!

Need for small group: We were created to live in “community!” If you refuse to be part of a small group that meets regularly, sharing how God is working in your life, what He is teaching you and praying for each other, you will most surely be on the Island!  

Investigate with questions:

* Are you substituting other interests, hobbies, or work in place of intimate relationships?

* Are you being consumed trying to figure out life’s curves?

* Are you in a “season” on the island? Seek God’s purpose for that season.

* Are you driven for affection, validation, and approval?

* Are you spending time with God?

I saw a video that communicated how much we need each other. Notice, there is one that is helping, BUT the other joins in to help himself also! Just click on the link!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QK9Xj7eY0UU