“Repentance and the cost” – More than “wanting to want to”!

When I was young, I could not gain weight, this is not just a statement - I have heard many say this, but when I look at their pictures they clearly show muscle or fat gain. 

From 14yrs old to 22yrs old I was the same size and weight no matter how much I ate! So I learned to eat for taste or competition. Once I ate 23 slices of pizza which equaled one slice less than 3 large pizzas! Once at an all-you-can-eat chicken place, I ate 20 crispy fried thighs! Never did I break 135 lbs.

Then my metabolism changed. I was lifting weights and muscle bulk was starting to show. So did a “spare tire”. When I finally realized that the fat gain was serious these habits and appetites had been set in rock! I decided to repent of this problem, however, I continued to gain! Why? I did not want to continue to gain fat and that was a fact! BUT...I did not desire to address the behavior that caused the fat gain - eating habits. 

Matthew 3:8 Therefore produce fruit that proves your repentance, 

My repentance was not full repentance - which is not real repentance...got that? This is when I came up with my understanding of: “Wanting to want to” instead of “Want to!” 

In the Greek, μετάνοια, (metanoia) simply means a change of mind or direction, repentance. However, to experience it’s impact we must bring context to the definition. 

Repentance most often happens in steps. Step one is when we finally listen to the Holy Spirit concerning a sin. That’s when we begin “wanting to” want to change. If we remain only on that step, real repentance will not take place. 

Too many have used the Apostle Paul as the common model of repentance. That is like using Jesus as the model of what a holy life should be. I believe the word “goal” would be better than “model”. Jesus was sinless – no sin nature existed in Him. We all are infected completely with sin! He disciplined His will to practice holiness and succeeded, Praise be His name! His life is an example of what our goal should be! 

Repentance is as “individual” as the individual! Paul was a very dedicated and disciplined man before regeneration. He also had a very unusual call to the ministry God called him to. For example, Peter was also called out for a special ministry, but while walking with Jesus for 3 years he:

1. Asked what do I get for leaving everything for Christ?

2. Rebuked Jesus when He told him He had come to die.

3. Bragged that even if all others abandon Christ, he would not!

4. Denied knowing Christ 3 times.

5. Thought the women reporting the resurrection spoke “nonsense”.

6. After the resurrection he went back to fishing. 

7. Even after Pentecost he argued with God when commanded to do something and God used a vision 3 times to make His point! 

Now I am a spiritual midget compared to Peter, but I identify with his walk more than I do with Paul’s. 

Yet, even with Paul, we must be careful. We get into trouble when we think the turnaround in Paul’s life was as quick as the turn of a few pages in the book of Acts! Paul was in Arabia for 3 years!

Challenge: Is there a sin or a behavior in your life you want to stop or change? Will you move to step 1… “Wanting to want to” change? Talk to God about it.