The deserted Island of Loneliness!

I left home when I was 17. My family was in Hawaii and I traveled back to the Washington DC area. Long story short, things did not work out as I had planned, I ended up being a “porter” at a store in a local Mall. It was a higher end store, that is why we were called “porters” instead of janitors. Funny thing is…porters clean toilets the same exact way janitors do. I was always very serious about relationships and when I gave my heart, I did not take it back easily. The reason I had left Hawaii was because I was still enamored with a young lady from my JR year of high school, that had decided she loved me like a big brother! My string of being a “big brother” is amazing…now I tell girls, don’t do that, just put one behind the ear, Bada Bing! Tell him straight, “I don’t love you,” he knows you like him, that is why you are his friend. The minute we men hear “I LOVE you like a brother” our demented minds convince ourselves we have a chance! So here I was, 17, the girl I was crazy about was seeing a guy and saying “Nate who?” my friends had all moved on to college or other things, no family around, a career where I put my face into a place where everyone else sits and meditates! I was renting a room from a truck driver that had a dachshund, named Jake. He was gone most of the time so it was me and Jake alone in a 3 bedroom house. Jake had an interesting ability, he would sit in a chair at the dinner table straight up! It was Christmas, my first away from home, I had a steak, a 6 pack of beer, and Jake, looking at my steak! NEVER, have I felt more alone!

Before I share the last two  “Danger Zones” and then the end result – “Shipwrecked” I felt led by the Lord to challenge all of us to examine one of the root causes that takes us into that first strong current of Murmuring. Loneliness, it is a tumor on the soul. However, we must face the reality, if we are a child of God, that in actuality it is under our control. In preaching and counseling I have done much study and meditated long on this topic. I would like to share just some thoughts that might help those that feel they are stuck on a deserted Island.

As we approach this let me challenge you that I am focusing on “self imposed” loneliness. Not the “seasonal” loneliness that all go through and I will discuss briefly at the end of this Devo.

Loneliness: Life on a deserted island!

Proverbs 18:1 Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment.

This kind of isolation has some common characteristics, no matter the specific circumstances:

* Withdraws from everyone including God.

* Throws Pity Party where NO one is invited.

* Complains about circumstances but does nothing to change them.

* Blames everyone and everything for their situation.

* So focused on self they miss all possible lessons.

First, let’s make a distinction between being on the Island (loneliness) and being alone.

Being Alone

Being alone is to move into a state of calm and quiet in your spirit – meditation, reflection, and an exhale of the “to do” list, the “expectations” of others and stopping to “smell the roses” of life. Alone time is very important for every human being, if we neglect meditative, quiet time for ourselves we do not allow ourselves to digest all the happenings in our life. Time alone is key to relieving stress that is built up living in such a busy world.

Matthew 14:13 Now when Jesus heard it, He withdrew from there in a boat, to a lonely place by Himself; and when the multitudes heard of this, they followed Him on foot from the cities. 

Luke 5:16 But He Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.   

The Island: This is not true when it comes to Loneliness

Many people can appear happy, with many friends, even contented with life, yet underneath the surface there is an emptiness and a vacuum that is slowly eating away at the fabric of their being. Loneliness could be called the cancer of emotions, many times it goes undetected until it is too late, the lonely person in desperation does something drastic; quits, runs away, hurts others and even contemplates or commits suicide.

In the news when we hear about someone that committed a mass killing, 9 times out of 10, people that knew them, when interviewed state they did not see it coming, BUT he was a “loner.” When you study the situation deeper you'll find it was not about being an “introvert” – most introverts and extraverts enjoy life. However, in this case you will find that at the personal level, they were trapped on that deserted Island struggling with loneliness.

Why is Loneliness Dangerous?

Most emotions are:

 Overt

 Obvious

 Seen

Loneliness hides beneath the surface ready to attack at the right moment.

It is very important to identify what kind of loneliness you are experiencing

Soul loneliness vs. Heart loneliness

Soul loneliness

Soul loneliness is based entirely on our relationship to our Creator. We were made for relationship with God. If there is no relationship or if that relationship is unhealthy we will experience loneliness, i.e. a lack of intimacy at the deepest level. This is why someone who seems happily married, with a good family, and many friends can still feel very lonely. The deepest need for companionship and intimacy they have can not be supplied by anyone other than the One that created them.

Heart loneliness

Heart loneliness is based on our relationship to others in the human community. This is clear from God's statement in Genesis, where Adam had perfect relationship with God, yet still experienced an aspect of loneliness. Not only did God create us to have relationship with Himself but made us with the need for community.

Genesis 2:18–25 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” So the Lord God formed from the ground all the wild animals and all the birds of the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would call them, and the man chose a name for each one. He gave names to all the livestock, all the birds of the sky, and all the wild animals. But still there was no helper just right for him. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, the Lord God took out one of the man’s ribs and closed up the opening. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. “At last!” the man exclaimed. “This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’ ” This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.

Whenever we are lonely we need to take time to understand the source of that loneliness. If it is soul loneliness we need to take a hard look at our relationship with God. Are we really connecting or just going through the motions.

On the other hand, if we are intimate with the Lord, yet still feel lonely, we need to understand the source is a lack of intimacy and companionship of other human beings.

I had planned one normal Devo on this, but God has led otherwise. I will finish my thoughts next Devo where we will look at:

* Causes of Loneliness – Landing on the Island.

* What to do if you are on the Island?

* Best ways to stay off the Island!

Let me leave you with some homework. Do I feel a lack in my life? Identify that. Am I frustrated or discontented? Pick one…they are very different. What am I doing to connect with God and others?

I can’t stand that I can’t stand my life! Why do I feel this way?

This story may seem impossible to you, but my older brother Alan will attest to it. It is the perfect illustration of just how far the flesh will go to feel sorry for itself, even if it causes damage to itself! I will change the name so as not to embarrass this poor person if he is still alive! My brother Alan had a best friend named Mike. This is when Al was 9 years old. He and Mike got into an argument about something and as Alan was walking back to the house, Mike was telling him he was sorry. Al would have none of it! Just before Alan came into the house, Mike yelled, “If you don’t forgive me I am going to bang my head on this until you do!” This was back in the day where all electricity was above ground. The electric pole would have a large steal cable that went from the top of the pole, into the ground to stabilize it, however, it was protected by a cylinder tube that when you hit it you would hear a “BONG!” Well, Alan yelled back at Mike, “I don’t care, I’m going in!” I was playing in the living room and Alan came and sat down on the couch with his arms folded. Suddenly we heard this, “BONG, BONG, BONG!” We had a large window that faced straight out and we could see the pole across the street and there was Mike beating his head against the protective tube. I jumped on the couch to watch and said “cool, is Mike trying to knock it down?”...I was only six…so please don’t judge too harshly. I honestly do not know how long this went on for, at least 20 “BONGS!” 

My dad then entered the room saying “What the heck (different word) is that noise?” Then he saw Mike, “What the heck (different word) is he doing?” Alan explained the situation and my dad ordered him to go out and forgive Mike. Alan went out, the Bonging stopped, my dad just shook his head and walk away muttering “hope he didn’t hurt himself.” I felt disappointed because what Mike was doing was far more entertaining than the toy soldiers I had been playing with!

When the flesh wants’ its way, it may go to all kinds of extremes to get it. When anyone has Drifted into what has become a “Strong Current” not only will sin become more appealing, it will become more possessive! The “wax” in our spiritual ears, and the “callousness” around our spiritual heart will grow to the point that the voice of the Holy Spirit is very difficult to hear.                                      

Just to keep our thoughts flowing let’s review:

·      First Warning #1 Laziness = Lack of Discipline

§  Test yourself: Do you only do the difficult or inconvenient when forced to, or do you choose to do the difficult, i.e. Memorize Scripture, Read through the Bible, Fast, etc. just to stay in shape?

·      Second Warning #2 Boredom = Lack of Purpose

§  Test yourself: Are you Proactive in your walk with God? Do you seek from Him on your own to create new ways to grow and serve Christ?

·      Third - Warning  #3 Restlessness = Lack of Contentment

§  Test yourself: How do you handle solitude? If you are alone for a period of time, can you use it profitably, or do you just become “antsy” and have to find anything to do to distract yourself?

·      Fourth - Strong Current #4 Pride = Lack of REAL Esteem!

§  Test yourself: How many of those around you know that you need Christ and have no joy in your life without Him? Are you embarrassed to talk about your dependence on Christ for everything in your life?

·      Fifth - Strong Current #5 Self Pity = Lack of Control over Circumstances!

§  Test yourself: When someone does not fulfill a promise they made to you, how long does it take for you to get over it? When someone has wronged you, how difficult is it for you to forgive them?

·      Sixth - Strong Current #6 Pigging Out = Lack of Control of Appetites

§  Test yourself: Which do you hunger for more, that which pleases God or that which pleases you? Do you seek to make other feel good or your self?

One of the characteristics that came to me all the way back from my grandmother is that I share my thoughts out loud. I am sure when people see me in my car by myself and I am talking away, they think, "Poor man, mentally deficient!" When I was a Pastor in Roanoke, VA, one of my disciples that I use to play racquetball with would warn his friends "When you play Nate you need to know you are playing two people!" They would ask "What do you mean?" He would reply "The guy talks out loud to himself and even answers!" That was true! Most times it is just funny, however, when I am under the control of my flesh, my thoughts betray my heart toward God and exposes that I have now entered a very strong current of sin that is full of complaining!

Seventh - Danger Zone #7 Murmuring

Now we have been caught into a very strong current! Not only are we miserable, but we make God and others miserable! That’s what murmuring does! When I find myself complaining and murmuring it exposes a Lack of Joy! Do not confuse “happiness” with joy! They are built on totally different foundations! Here is happiness: “Nate you have won the Lotto! YEA!!!!!!... Knock, knock, Who’s there? The IRS! BOO HOO!” That is happiness, founded on circumstances, it flows up and down! “JOY” on the other hand is fixated in the never changing nature of our Lord. No matter the circumstances we can sense a calm, a peace and a contentment that whatever is going on outside, we are assured that our God loves us and desires the best for us! We don’t have to understand everything, we just know Who is in control and that brings our heart joy!

Numbers 21:4–5 Then they set out from Mount Hor by the way of the Red Sea, to go around the land of Edom; and the people became impatient because of the journey. The people spoke against God and Moses, “Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the wilderness? For there is no food and no water, and we loathe this miserable food.”

When God’s food is not good enough for you…you have a real heart problem!

Test yourself: Starting with where you are right now and what you have right now, what’s your “beef” with God? How much time to you spend thanking God for here and now versus wishing things were better?

1 Timothy 6:3–6 Some people may contradict our teaching, but these are the wholesome teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. These teachings promote a godly life. Anyone who teaches something different is arrogant and lacks understanding. Such a person has an unhealthy desire to quibble over the meaning of words. This stirs up arguments ending in jealousy, division, slander, and evil suspicions. These people always cause trouble. Their minds are corrupt, and they have turned their backs on the truth. To them, a show of godliness is just a way to become wealthy. Yet true godliness with contentment is itself great wealth.

1 Timothy 6:8 If we have food and covering, with these we shall be content.

I realize this is almost a mantra from me, but it is because at one time I was always longing to be some where else than where the Lord had me. So I must…forgive…”The grass on the other side of the hill may be greener, but the water bill will always be higher!” God may desire to give you more, but He will require more also!

Luke 12:48 …When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.

I had planned to do two points each time, but will not. Sorry this one is soooo long, but this current is a real danger zone, and sadly, I have found so prevalent in the Church today.

Take the time to go over these first seven tests, next Devo we will enter into “Danger Zones” and then end on “Shipwrecked!”