Tough Love, tough on who?

Scripture Read: Titus 3:10 Reject a factious (divisive) man after a first and second warning, 11 knowing that such a man is perverted and is sinning, being self-condemned

Application: Several things are important here. Most likely, the only way you come to the understanding that a person is divisive arrives after you have tried several times to correct him and he has rejected that. This fact should lead us to make sure that we show patience to those that are young in the Lord. We should not over-react to their mistakes, but wait and see how they handle a gentle rebuke. If they show growth from it, you are going to see them mature. If on the other hand they do not handle the rebuke well, do not jump to judgment, give them time while keeping a watchful eye. If this becomes a pattern then you might have to become firmer in how you challenge them to grow from criticism. 

Remember, none of us like to be shown our failures, I know I don’t. The key is getting past the initial hurt of emotion, remaining in control of those emotions, so we can learn from the counsel we receive. Once this person exposes their heart to be a divisive one you might need to express some tough love. Note, “tough love” is called tough love, not because you beat someone up – emotionally or physically – it is called “tough” because it is tough on you to give it. That is the test of your real affection and compassion for the individual. If you enjoy hurting them – keep your mouth shut. You are not giving “tough love” you are venting your spleen. If you would rather do anything else but have to tell this person something you know will be difficult to receive, you are functioning in scriptural “tough love”. Keep in mind also the Scripture describes this kind of person as perverted. That is because they are twisting the truth. So you might get some surprising reactions. You cannot protect yourself from those; this is where you find out where your faith in Christ is. Do you believe He can and will control the situation? You might be tempted not to confront due to your fear of the reaction. You need to ask yourself if that is the case, do I really love this person? Love will desire to protect the other person from harm, even if it is there own behavior that is doing the harm. If you love them you will take the chance to point out that they are being divisive and allow Christ to defend you. The Word also states that they are condemned in themselves already - so we are not to try and condemn them. We need to only share in tough love that they are not following the Lord and leave them there to deal with God. This is what real love and commitment to each other means and costs.  

* Meditation Questions: Is there someone you know needs to be gently confronted? What have you done about that? What happened the last time someone confronted you about something? What does that show you? Is love something you feel? Is love something you do? Is love a commitment that has feelings that come and go and requires different actions at different times? Describe how you have seen this in your life.