Self Esteem - versus - Real Esteem! Which Esteem are you building?

I have received quite a few questions from the last Devo, so I thought it would be wise to share some thoughts on a “hot” topic – Esteem. From my years of counseling, I believe there has been a very bad defining of “esteem” and the healthy source versus the unhealthy source it comes from.

To do that, let’s break man down into greater detail. This comes from the Professor that instructed me in my counseling courses in Seminary. Dr. Kellemen does a good job of helping us understand better the complexities of being human.  

A. Relational Beings: This is where we exercise our affections.

        

B. Rational Beings: This is where we form our mindsets.

        

C. Volitional Beings: This is where we exercise our decision-making using our will, choice and goals.

        

D. Emotional Beings: This is where we experience deeply.

        

E. Physical Beings: This is where we sense life. It is the tangible part of life.

* Notice! Man was created not sufficient within himself! Genesis 2 makes this clear. 

Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."

Interesting that God allow man to discover for himself that he needs something more than what there already was.

And out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the sky, and brought them to the man to see what he would call them; and whatever the man called a living creature, that was its name. And the man gave names to all the cattle, and to the birds of the sky, and to every beast of the field, but for Adam there was not found a helper suitable for him.

So God made man someone that would complete him.  

So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and he slept; then He took one of his ribs and closed up the flesh at that place. The Lord God fashioned into a woman the rib which He had taken from the man, and brought her to the man. The man said, “This is now bone of my bones, And flesh of my flesh; She shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.”  For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed.

Also notice:  Work and decision-making were part of the deal.

Then the Lord God took the man and put him into the garden of Eden to cultivate it and keep it. And the Lord God commanded the man, saying, "From any tree of the garden you may eat freely; but from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat from it you shall surely die."

God also gave man a stewardship to rule over the earth.

And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. And God blessed them; and God said to them, "Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth, and subdue it; and rule over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the sky, and over every living thing that moves on the earth."

Many things changed after the fall, but several things remain the same, though more difficult due to sin.

Even though the image has been marred by sin, we are still to reflect Him.

In our decision-making – we are still responsible to choose His ways.

Also, we are stewards of thus earth, we are accountable for how we work, handle our belongings and take care of God’s creation.

One of the greatest impacts on a human being is their “self worth” what we call their esteem. Sadly, we have been duped by the enemy to believe that we should develop “self” esteem. Decades of counseling has taught me that “self” esteem is greatly flawed because it is based on SELF! That is the wrong source, instead we need to develop “real” esteem, which flows from the Maker and is based on Truth. I have developed an acrostic for this and I hope it will help you. 

Self esteem has 4 basic components:

Seduced – You believe the world will love you if you conform to its view.

So many find out the hard way, even if they get their 15 minutes in the spotlight, when they no longer have a reason for the world to use them, they will be quickly tossed aside. Whether it is due to age, or new fads or political correctness – once you do not jump rope the way the world demands, you are not important any more.

Egotistic – What matters is ME!

Your world revolves around yourself. You will be obsessed with you, which will never lead to self worth…it leads to selfishness!

Lover of self – No control over appetites

Your number one goal is to feel good, so you become a slave to your appetites.

Friend conscious – The secret Masters – you must please them.

You say you are doing your own thing, but in reality, you are doing whatever it takes to get your friends’  approval.

Self esteem does not lead individuals to be able to stand on their own convictions.  

God wants us to sense self worth, but it needs to be from the source that will produce REAL esteem.

Reality – God thinks of you all the time

The Scriptures are filled with a clear message from our God that He thinks about us constantly. That’s what the “gospel” (good news) is all about – God communicated His love through the sacrifice of His Son! No matter what voices are trying to tear you down, if you know that the God of the universe thinks you are “somebody” you will never feel like a nobody!

Evolving – Each day learning about Him increases your real esteem – because you reflect Him

As we continue in our walk with God, we learn more of His character, and then see the Holy Spirit reproducing that in us also, we will gain a sense or worth and purpose.

Alone – Need no other human

This is not contradicting our need for community that God placed in us from creation. This has to do with the fact that we can stand alone, if we have too. Our convictions arise from the core of who we are in Christ, so fads, popularity or political correctness will not dictate our convictions. To know why you stand where you stand builds tremendous confidence in our esteem.

Lover of God – It’s about Him

Your self worth is at its max when you live selfless. You focus on God and others, and let God take care of you!

When we cultivate Self Esteem, it leads to external living.

1. Worry about what everybody thinks about you.

2. Gratify your appetites – Lusts of all kinds, and most dangerous of all, you never learn to say no!

3. Get your self worth from things.

Self Esteem builds: Reputation

Real Esteem produces: Character

God’s love is the source of esteem! Instead of allowing real esteem to build character we try through self esteem to build a reputation

Difference of Character and Reputation:

"Character is like a tree and reputation like it's shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing"  Lincoln

"Reputation and character are widely different things. Character lives in a

man; reputation outside a man" J. G. Holland

"Character is what a person is; reputation is what he is supposed to be" Abbott

Reputation is based on image. Character is based on Real Esteem and produces a Testimony

If you seek to have a reputation your focus will be on the outward life = surface living

If you seek to have a testimony your outward life will merely be the expression of what is within!

Consider the Apostle Paul

Paul’s reality:

55 AD – “Least of the Apostles”

1 Corinthians 15:9 For I am the least of the apostles, and not fit to be called an apostle, because I persecuted the church of God.

60 AD – “Less than least of Saints”

Ephesians 3:8 To me, who am less than the least of all the saints, this grace was given, that I should preach among the Gentiles the unsearchable riches of Christ,

66-67 AD – “Chief of Sinners”

1 Timothy 1:15  This is a faithful saying and worthy of all acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am chief.

Paul’s Experience: 12 years of maturity and growth, yet the closer he got to Christ, the better he saw his own sin. This is the balance “real esteem” brings, we see how valued we are in God’s eyes, we see the fruit His Spirit produces in us, yet we stay honest about our own sin. This will save you from self-righteousness and judging others, because you know that you are just like everyone else…a sinner that needs forgiveness.

Meditation: Which esteem are you building? Where do you get your worth? How often do you reflect upon God? How much do you think about yourself? When you pray, is it all about you?