Mirror, mirror on the wall, is that really me…or not at all?

Probing Proverbs 12:9 Better is he who is lightly esteemed and has a servant Than he who honors himself and lacks bread.

For many of us this might not make sense, because the idea of having a servant is quite foreign. However, this was not that strange to people when it was written, nor in many places in the world even today. I know that where I live in the Philippines, it is quite common for people who are not rich to be able to afford what they call a “helper” that works for them around the house.

It is the meaning behind this Proverb that is so important. In essence what it is saying is, it is better for a person who may not be well known or famous, but still has someone to serve them, which means they're getting their needs met, than to be someone who has built up an image that makes them look like someone important, yet they are in actuality living day-to-day and going hungry.

If I were to use the vernacular of today I would just say, be who you are and be content that you are having your needs met, don't try and be a “someone” you're not or appear to be something that is a fantasy, when in reality you are lacking.

There are quite a few individuals that I can think of that fit that second category. I'm reading about one right now as I'm going through a trilogy on the life of Winston Churchill. I did not know that in the midst of some of his grand entertaining at his palatial house, he was actually living paycheck to paycheck from the articles and books that he wrote, but no one would have guessed.

Another one that we all know about if we watched the news is the sad story of Tiger Woods, he projected himself as this faithful husband and loving father while the entire time having affair after affair. Please know, I do not think ill of Mr. Woods, I hurt for him and hope that he allows God to use his life for good. I also understand very clearly that anyone of us can be trapped, given the right circumstances, into playing the “image” game.

As a young husband I began to fall into this trap. It was the “Christian” thing to do to call your wife your best friend, which I did, but she was not. Early in our marriage the Holy Spirit convicted me on this and I proactively began developing the friendship I wanted with my wife. She has for many years now been my best friend and there is nothing we cannot discuss as friends. However, I could have fallen for that trap and today only have our friendship as an image. Perhaps this is why so many marriages end after the children leave the home. The couple has nothing but the “image” of a deep relationship.

Whether it be money, or our character, this proverb communicates a very important truth. What we are in reality is far more important than what people think we are. I'm not saying that our testimony is not important, but we must guard against becoming image-conscious and trying to be something that we are not, just to try and impress others. This proverb is pointing out the futility of that kind of living. Can you imagine appearing to others as though you were rich because you do everything you can to make it look like you are, including lifting yourself up or as this proverb puts it, heaping honor on yourself, yet in reality you have no food in the cupboard and you're treading water just to stay afloat.

It makes much more sense to just be who you are, even if that does not bring you great esteem in others eyes, yet you know that God is pleased with you and you are living in such a way that your needs are met.

In just a few verses in the same proverb we see the problem expounded:

Proverbs 12:15 The way of a fool is right in his own eyes!

How sad it is when a person takes leave of their senses and in reality is trying to live a lie. Time and time again history has shown us that the truth does catch up and then that poor person has to endure a terrible humbling that did not need to happen if they had chosen to just be who they are.

If we allow ourselves to be authentic, and allow others into our life to help us remain so, the moment we begin to live in a false reality, our heart will be in the proper place to be challenged. A moment of conviction and quick repentance is far easier to experience than having to be cornered by the truth and finally being forced to humble ourselves by reality. Many times when a human being is cornered that way the reactions can be very damaging to themselves and even to others around.

I love history and tried to study it all my life. As a young boy, one of my heroes was John F. Kennedy. He was the president of my youth and although I was young I believed everything the press made him out to be. I was only 7 when he was assassinated, and I was obsessed with all the stories and pictures of his wife and family. As I came into my middle school years I was a great fan of his brother Bobby and was actually watching TV the night he was assassinated. I remember him brushing his hair with his hand, stepping down from the podium and heading to the back kitchen area where shots rang out and all of a sudden another Kennedy had been shot.

Years later, as an adult, I began to study more on the Kennedy family. The more I studied the more shocked I became at what was really underneath the surface. Of course, it doesn't change the fact that these men should not have been killed the way they were, but it did change my opinion of their character.

"It's not what you are, but what people think you are that is important."

That quote, sadly, is from the father of John and Bobby Kennedy. The younger brother Teddy followed that advice also and lived a very false public life compared to his private life. I think I was struck with the outcome of this kind of thinking by what, then Sen. Ted Kennedy, did after he drove off a bridge with a young woman in his car. His explanation of what happened was unbelievable. He says he tried to save the young woman, yet all the evidence shows that he ran past homes that could've helped, because he wanted to get to his friends for their legal counsel. He then waited for over 9 hours to file a report of the accident. The young woman was finally found, she had not drowned, the coroner found she suffocated, she had found a pocket of air in the overturned car, but could not escape. If Ted had sought help from surrounding houses she most likely would have lived.

When we decide we are going to live a false reality we may end up doing things that no one in their right mind would ever do. Be aware that most of us do not start where Ted Kennedy ended up. That's why we need to be aware of the danger of allowing ourselves to focus on image and what others think about us versus what we are. Once you begin to live and propagate a lie in your life, before you know it, the lie will become your master and you will serve it. 

Meditation: What do you think more about, what you are or what others think you are? Do you have people in your life that keep you accountable? If not, why? What is the difference between a “testimony” and an “image?” When you look into a mirror, what do you see? Is it very close to what everyone else sees?