Which is more difficult: To GO to the Philippines or to LEAVE the Philippines?

Importance of communication: A lawyer prosecuting a controversial case asked the witness:  "Now, Mr. Jones did you or did you not, on the date in question, or at any other time, previously or subsequently, say or even intimate to the defendant or anyone else, whether friend or acquaintance or in fact a stranger, that the statement imputed to you, whether just or unjust, and denied by the plaintiff, was a matter of no consequence or otherwise?  Answer!  Did you or did you not?” The witness pondered for a little while and then said, "Did I or did I not WHAT?”

Proper communication requires a clear message and a listening ear! The illustration I used is one of a confused message. When it comes to the Lord, His message is never confused. We, on the other hand at times can be very poor listeners. I felt led to share a most dangerous one with you today. Today I received another invite to speak at a retreat in the Philippines, which is one of quite a few in the last month. Due to this, I felt led to share with all of my friends on FB what is going on. My prayer is that you can learn from my mistakes. 

He that has ears, Listen to what the Spirit says!

As far back as I can recall, from the point of my salvation, the word “Go” never frightened me. Even though I loved the family I was Pastor of in Roanoke, when the Lord spoke “GO” to our family, we went. In 1994 we packed our family of 5 into 10 suit cases and moved to the Philippines. Understanding that hindsight is 20/20, I realize now that I was always prepared to “GO”, but was not ready to hear the word, “LEAVE.” I want so much to challenge you to always be alert to the sin of resisting the Lord.

In 2011, deep down inside me I sensed something had changed in how my medication was “not” working with the disease I am dealing with, while, unwilling to consider that this might be the gentle whisper of my Lord saying, “leave.” Refusing to think about it, matters were made worse, by not communicating this to my life partner and closest friend. DD. She could see things were not right, emotionally shutting down, left me deaf to both the Lord and my wife. By November of 2014, my body was paying a very heavy price, experiencing habitual insomnia and constant pain. Finally, I went to see my Rheumatologists. After examining me and telling me my meds were useless and I should stop using them, I asked, “Then what should I do?” He said, “As difficult as this will be for you to hear, I think God is telling you to go home.” That answer was not in MY agenda, instead I did the opposite, I pushed harder to remain active.

Sin is a snowball rolling down a very steep hill beloved, it doesn’t just remain the same size, its growth can be exponential. Resisting your Master’s voice opens the door for all kinds of sin. Bad decisions, bad communication, and repressed anger…I could go on. Finally when my body just stopped and DD called for help, I had to face the Truth, but only partially. Why partially? Because I am a stiff neck sinner! Still trying to manipulate a way to remain on the field, God became even firmer and allowed our landlord to close our contract on our Condo. At the end of February, while in the USA on home ministry, we were given a very short notice that we needed to close our Condo in Manila. Scrabbling, we secured tickets immediately and arrived in Manila with 10 days to clear our Condo. God had been attempting to gently move me to see He was closing our ministry in the Philippines for now, but I refused to listen. Flying back to Manila meditating with the Lord, He gave me the time to face what my heart had resisted.

Resisting my Lord led to behavior that was very inconsistent with who Christ has been molding me into for the last 4 decades. I made decisions and took actions that were not what God would choose. This actually made my health worse and caused my wife great concern. In fact, the greatest damage I believe was to the spirit of my wife, who remained very Christ like.

When we commit to follow Christ, when He tells us to go, we go. However, it also means when He instructs us to move or leave, if we are obedient, we do it! Our motive is irrelevant, in fact that is one of the ploys our darkened heart will use to help us rationalize our actions. When we came to the Philippines I was convinced I would be there until I went home to be with the Lord. That sounds dedicated, but it is not! Obeying is the foundation of dedication! The Lord knows all, and He was guiding me to the next step in His plan for our life. I had my own agenda, and that reaped some stupid (mangmang) decisions and actions.

As painful as this has been for me to face, now that I have, there is a renewed fellowship with the Lord and an anticipation of what the future holds. I have been spending these past weeks restoring my walk with the Lord and reconnecting with my wife, showing her that nothing on this earth comes before her.

We still love each other very much and like each other most times. Based, primarily on my sin of resisting the Lord’s voice, DD and I both know we do not like where the silence and arguing has taken us. We are both fully committed to the Lord and finishing our race together as lovers and friends.

I share this with the hope that all my brothers and sisters will take a moment to reflect on their own heart. The title asked whether to “go” or “leave” is more difficult. The answer is neither! What is difficult is to refuse to listen to your flesh instead of the Lord. I have loved how God has used us in the Philippines. Yet, I realize now I had allowed myself to think I was called to the Philippines. That is a lie, shrouded in what appears to be a motive of dedication. All of us are called to only ONE thing…ONE PERSON! Jesus Christ alone has the right to call us, and to Him we owe ourselves, not to a ministry or a geographical location. Guard your heart and keep your ears open to His voice.

Our hearts continue to desire God to move mightily in the Philippines. Our minds will remain filled with memories of friends and the love we have shared with so many there. Even our discussions over the past weeks have been filled with our thoughts for our family in the Philippines.

DD and I are driving from the west coast to the east coast spending time reconnecting and praying about our future. If we remain in missions, where? If not, what? The Pastorate? Teaching? Something else? We don’t know…BUT we do know Who does know and all we need is to follow Him!

Beloved, learn from this bald, chubby, ugly old sinner! Don’t try and learn this lesson for yourself, it is not worth it! The man who discipled me wrote me a note that touched my heart deeply. The last sentence he penned to me was this: Many are called, few are chosen.  You, Sir, are one of                                           the chosen. Just cooperate.

I admonish you to cooperate with your Master, you will never regret it.

Take a moment…what do you hear the Lord saying to your heart?

Write it down:___________________________________

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Don’t resist!