Late Bloomer!

All my life I always believed there was a God. No matter what happened I could not escape that I believed He existed. He pursued me with His unconditional love, and thankfully, my heart responded. Being a fan of history, after I trusted in Christ and I began living as a believer, I read about the history of the Church and the men and women that followed my Lord. I was enamored by their testimony and how they exhibited Christ in their lives. I so desired to emulate them, but found myself falling short. I was amazed how so many of them were so on fire so early in their life.

1 Corinthians 4:5  So then, do not judge anything before the time. Wait until the Lord comes. He will bring to light the hidden things of darkness and reveal the motives of hearts. Then each will receive recognition from God.

Now, at 65, I am digesting all that God has done in my life and feel a deep desire to share all that He is with those that I meet.

My wife is a great gardener, and I have enjoyed seeing her works. Just the other day, as I looked out my window, being that fall is coming and most things are dying, I was amazed when I saw one rosebush blooming. This late! As I thought about it, I realized that I have the opportunity to be just like that bush! A late bloomer! This season in my life has been difficult. My RA has really done a number on me, I now understand what my mother went through. She died at 49, so I am far ahead of  her at 65! The x-rays of my right hip really blew me away. The “ball” and the “cup”…both are supposed to be round – the ball looked like a triangle; the cup looked like a rectangle. Now I understand the clicking  I heard for the last 8 months! Also, I have sand pouring out of my eyes 24/7, another problem caused by RA. I saw the ophthalmologist today, he said he was shocked I could blink without pain, because my eyes were so dry. My primary doctor is trying to figure out why I am having the sleep deprivation I am experiencing. I wake up every 1-2 hours all through the night. I am averaging about 4 hours of sleep each night, never in a row, even with sleeping pills. Add to that, and more detrimental to my spiritual, emotional, and mental health, my sin and failures. Things I thought I would be done with, never have entered into, and really cannot explain in my own mind... it's maddening!

Yet, let me say this. I have experienced a deeper intimacy with my Maker than any other time in my life! I sense His presence, His love, His grace in a way I cannot recall. I am amazed how so much of my health issues do not seem to matter to me. I also, hurt and regret my sins more than ever, understanding they insult, grieve and do not honor the One that gave His all for me. He has undone me, and I love it! All I can think of is how to let everyone I know how loving and gracious He is! In a world that seeks to blame anything and everyone for why they have problems, God, my God, seeks to give comfort, remove our shame, and teach us how to live life abundantly!  

The adversary and my own sin nature desire me to be discouraged, grow weary, and quit. And I have those moments, however, the Holy Spirit taught me long ago that a moment is only a moment and that it is wrong to measure a life by a moment. My sin and failure are not what defines me, not what I am, it is what I struggle with! The fact that I continue to struggle establishes my heart for my God! 

The So What? How about you...you still struggling? Then you are still in the race! Thank God for that! In your bloom, what are you learning, sharing with others? My following Devos on this will share what I have learned.