To speak or not to speak…that should be the question!

Probing Proverbs 11:12-13 It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor; a sensible person keeps quiet. A gossip goes around telling secrets, but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.

One of the real signs of maturity is when a person exercises control over what he shares and what he chooses not to. This Proverb challenges us in this matter. Let’s consider some meanings before we discuss the issue.

The word foolish is made from two words. One means: mind, heart or understanding; the other means; poverty, needy, lacking and deficiency. So this person has an impoverished understanding, lacks it and is deficient in the heart and mind, which are the essentials for proper understanding.

This person belittles those in their sphere of life. This word means to show contempt for. In the dictionary this term is defined as: to make seem less significant! This of course begins in the mind when we think we are superior to those around us…hence the “lack of understanding!”

The opposite is true of the person that senses that silence is the proper course of action. The word sensible simply means understanding. This person realizes that anything said at this moment will not be beneficial and therefore holds their tongue.

This leads us to the conclusion concerning those that will not control their tongue and those that will. One will leak your secrets to others; the other is trustworthy! Which one would you go to for counsel?

Here is the issue: As Christ said, the tongue only exposes what is in the heart!

Matthew 15:16–19 “Don’t you understand yet?” Jesus asked. “Anything you eat passes through the stomach and then goes into the sewer. But the words you speak come from the heart—that’s what defiles you. For from the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, all sexual immorality, theft, lying, and slander.

This Proverb challenges us to look inside. When our words hurt and betray others, we have a heart problem! I have experienced this from both sides, I have gossiped or “piled on” when the right thing to do was to keep the secret or just extend grace. I also have had this done to me. The first leaves a very bad spiritual taste in my mouth, and carries regret and the need for repentance. The second leaves me wondering who can I trust and asking, “where are my real friends” when everyone is piling on for the mistake I made! This behavior is not Christ like. He knew how to keep a secret, even one that may have been shared inadvertently. He also did not over kill His confrontation of others' short comings.

We need to become real honest about this. We share a “prayer request”, that in reality is nothing more then spreading information about others. We go for “counsel” yet in reality we want someone else to agree with our judgment about a particular individual. We extend our comforting hand to a brother that failed, but as they take it we then vent our spleen about their behavior!

There is only one cure for this; being filled with the Holy Spirit. When we allow the Spirit of God to control our heart, we will control our tongue! The Holy Spirit does not want to beat us up concerning our weaknesses with our words, He desires to guide us in disciplined love, mercy and grace, which will lead to wholesome communication. Even in confrontation!

Galatians 6:1–3 Dear brothers and sisters, if another believer is overcome by some sin, you who are godly should gently and humbly help that person back onto the right path. And be careful not to fall into the same temptation yourself. Share each other’s burdens, and in this way obey the law of Christ. If you think you are too important to help someone, you are only fooling yourself. You are not that important.

Consider: When someone comes to you and states: “don’t tell so & so that I told you, but…ask yourself, if you tell this person a secret, how secure is it? How do you handle these "secrets" shared with you? If someone has abused your secret, what should you do first? What does Christ do first? Luke 15 has the answers. What is the difference between "forgiveness" and "trust?"